Here there be spoilers.
This is an incremental post, dealing with absolutely tiny revisions in Kevin Smith's Superman Lives. I'll try not to repeat myself, analysis of the first draft is here.
Who wrote it?
This draft is dated 2.1.97, ONE DAY after the last.
How long is it?
How long is it?
127 pages (Same as the last)
What's the broad structure?
What's the broad structure?
Act 1 = 1-31
Act 2a = 32-61
Act 2b = 62-105
Act 3 = 105-127
What's the context?
Act 2a = 32-61
Act 2b = 62-105
Act 3 = 105-127
What's the context?
Now here's an oddity. I'd never seen this draft before about three weeks ago, when it was posted to a screenwriting message board. The previous draft, dated 31st January 1997, came straight from Warners' deposition in the rights case against Segal & Schuster's heirs. That's absolutely legit as far as I can tell.
This, however, is clearly labelled "First Draft" on the title page (where the other wasn't), despite being dated one day later. It's scanned from a hard copy and is difficult to read in places. It's not significantly different, more a polish than a complete draft. It just doesn't seem to fit with what I thought I knew about Smith's work on the project. He's said he only wrote two drafts (accounted for by those dated 31st January and 27th March, 1997); why would a revision dated one day later than an apparently legit draft be labelled "First Draft"? And why would he turn in a draft to Warners, only to produce another the very next day?
I don't have answers to any of these questions; it's just fun to ask them. If anybody knows the story behind this version, get in touch!
This, however, is clearly labelled "First Draft" on the title page (where the other wasn't), despite being dated one day later. It's scanned from a hard copy and is difficult to read in places. It's not significantly different, more a polish than a complete draft. It just doesn't seem to fit with what I thought I knew about Smith's work on the project. He's said he only wrote two drafts (accounted for by those dated 31st January and 27th March, 1997); why would a revision dated one day later than an apparently legit draft be labelled "First Draft"? And why would he turn in a draft to Warners, only to produce another the very next day?
I don't have answers to any of these questions; it's just fun to ask them. If anybody knows the story behind this version, get in touch!
What's changed (and works better)?
- Brainiac's motivation seems a little clearer, and more plausible; he wants The Eradicator's body. On Krypton, AI is not permitted to take free physical form. Enabling this for The Eradicator makes Jor-El a criminal.
- The beginning of The Eradicator's arc is drawn ever-so-slightly better; he confesses to Jor-El that he's not sure he's ready to become self-accountable. In many ways he's as much Jor-El's child as Superman.
- Jimmy's hacker skills have been scaled back a bit. Instead of hacking the LexCorp mainframe, he takes photos of the projector on top of Lex's roof and disseminates them via the internet to expose the hoax invasion.
- We finally have a rationale for Lois doubting Superman's death. Jimmy draws her attention to news about the mysterious hero of L.A., and they both witness the unrecognisable Superman holding up the Metropolis bridge (much like Poirier's draft). This places the doubt in her mind. These incidents weren't in the earlier draft, and made her sudden tomb-cracking look like PTSD.
- The citizens' rebellion is a bit more coherent this time, even if some of it still makes no sense. (How does Bibbo get up to the roof of LexCorp, the tallest building in the city?)
- Luthor gets his comeuppance; rather than simply abandoning him in the menagerie, Superman makes sure he's delivered to the Police. There's still no indication of what happens to L-Ron and the skull ship, though. They're just abandoned and forgotten.
What's changed (and still doesn't work?)
- After establishing a plausible reason for Brainiac wanting The Eradicator's tech, Smith throws it out the window. Minutes after the accusation from Jor-El that Brainiac wants a body, he begins building himself one from scratch, and seems fully intent on destroying The Eradicator rather than assimilating him. Later on, he reverts to his rationale from the first draft, but with a slightly more defined purpose; The Eradicator's tech will allow him to maintain his form permanently. This still doesn't take into account the already enormous energy drain on his systems, nor does it acknowledge that The Eradicator, for all its advanced technology, has the battery life of a clockwork toy. This thing is constantly recharging.
- Strengthening The Eradicator's arc (however meagerly) simply reinforces the feeling that this is his story, not Superman's.
- L-Ron, instead of being created or recruited off-screen during the thirty years Brainiac wanders the galaxy, now appears from nowhere in the prologue, as Krypton breaks up and Brainiac builds himself a body. Now, if you were a sentient, genius AI who needed a body, and you had this willing little robot servant knocking about... Ah, forget it.
Conclusion
This draft is all about logistical tweaks. 99.9% of the structure and story (and their flaws) are still there, but Smith has slightly pulled together some of the lapses of logic so rife in that first effort. The only character work done here is in laying one early part of The Eradicator's arc, and that doesn't do the intended subject, Superman (remember him?) any favours whatsoever.
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(All sources have been linked to except the script: if you are the creator or originator of any material you feel has been misappropriated, please let me know and I'll do my best to correct the problem.)
